http:\/\/thesunmagazine.org\/issues\/400\/ode_to_the_god_of_atheists<\/a><\/p>\n\n
The hammer was in full swing, heading for the chisel, when the lightning flash pulled my attention away for just a second.\u00a0 \u201cGoddamn it!\u201d I cried, leaping away from the stone and wrapping my hand in my gut.\u00a0 I was bent over in agony, looking as though I was punching myself in the stomach, when the thunder arrived.\u00a0 Through the pain, I heard, clear as a bell, an invisibly spoken \u201cNO.\u201d<\/p>\n
That one word had absolutely no power to make my busted hand feel any better.\u00a0 Through the tears, I looked up toward the door, expecting to see some errant friend who had stopped by just in time to see me make a fool out of myself.\u00a0 \u201cGood,\u201d I thought, \u201cthey can drive me to the hospital.\u201d\u00a0 I wiped my eyes and looked, but I was alone, me and my busted sculpture and my hand that would soon look like a balloon.\u00a0 I looked around the room.\u00a0 It had sounded so real, but perhaps it was a pain-induced hallucination.<\/p>\n
I turned back to the stone, and swiped a lop-sided kick at it. \u201cTHAT WON\u2019T HELP, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD.\u00a0 PERHAPS ICE ON THE HAND WOULD SERVE YOU BETTER.\u201d<\/p>\n
What the fuck.\u00a0 I could understand ringing in my ears, but voices?\u00a0 \u201cWho\u2019s that?\u201d I said in a small voice.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t scared yet, but I could see it approaching in the distance.<\/p>\n
\u201cOH, SORRY, LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.\u00a0 I\u2019M GOD, AND I WAS JUST A BIT PUT OFF BY YOUR IMPERTINENT DESIRE FOR ME TO DAMN SOMETHING.\u00a0 NOT YOUR PLACE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.\u00a0 I WON\u2019T STOP YOU FROM DOING IT YOURSELF, BUT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS ONE.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat.\u00a0 Right in the middle of the garage floor.\u00a0 I must have finally tripped a breaker, and this was it.\u00a0 \u201cWell,\u201c I said, \u201cAs long as you\u2019re here, could you fix my busted hand?\u00a0 It would save me a trip to the Emergency Room.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTHAT I CAN DO.\u00a0 HOW\u2019S THAT?\u201d<\/p>\n
The hand, throbbing a second ago, was back.\u00a0 Being the quick thinker in the family, I immediately threw out the next wish.\u00a0 \u201cCan I have a million dollars?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDON\u2019T BE GREEDY.\u00a0 IF YOU HADN\u2019T SLIPPED AND BUSTED THAT SCULPTURE, YOU WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY SOLD IT FOR CLOSE TO A MILLION.\u00a0 HOW ABOUT YOU JUST START ANOTHER?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d I said to God, \u201cit was your fault for distracting me with that lightning bolt.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think you owe me something in compensation?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTHAT WASN\u2019T ME,\u201d said God.\u00a0 \u201cTHAT WAS A SPONTANEOUS DISCHARGE OF BUILT UP STATIC ELECTRICITY IN THE ATMOSPHERE.\u00a0 YOU\u2019RE NOT A SCIENTIST, ARE YOU?\u00a0 EVEN KIDS LEARN THAT NOWADAYS IN SCHOOL.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what good are you if you\u2019re not going to keep it up with the miracles?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWELL, I DID FIX YOUR HAND, DIDN\u2019T I?\u00a0 I JUST DON\u2019T THINK I SHOULD HOLD STRICT LIABILITY FOR YOUR KLUTZINESS.\u201d<\/p>\n
It seems that Einstein was right.\u00a0 God does have a sense of humor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
3-26-13\u00a0 The prompt:\u00a0 Use this poem \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ode to the God of Atheists by Ellen Bass The god of atheists won\u2019t burn you at the stake or pry off your fingernails. Nor will it make you bow or beg, rake your skin with thorns, or buy gold leaf and stained-glass windows. It won\u2019t insist […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-130","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-promptedwriting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/130","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=130"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/130\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":136,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/130\/revisions\/136"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=130"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=130"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.mainlyprompts.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}